Why me?

There are times in our lives where we think, why me? I used to be this way. I married in my twenties, picked a 'bad boy' of sorts who liked to party, wasn't good with money, and didn't really value family. My marriage was a very lonely one. I used to wonder why me? But I made that choice. I made the choice to marry someone whose values did not meet my own. I learned from that one.

Fast forward a few years, I divorced and remarried a wonderful compassionate man. Since we were both in our 30's we didn't want to waste anytime having babies so we wanted to get pregnant within a year after we were married. On our first try out I got pregnant! 5 weeks later I miscarried. A few months later, I got pregnant again. On the 'second' try. 9 weeks later I miscarried. Why me? I was devastated. My husband had a niece who was 19 at the time, not married, hooked up with a bum, and she keeps her pregnancy and I lose two? (not to mention the fact that I am now taking care of that child). Why did I have to miscarry?

Two years later I gave birth to boy twins! Why me? Oh the blessing of twins, but this time the 'why me' was a good one!!

Unfortunately, shortly after their birth I slipped into post partum depression. I didn't want to get up in the morning. Why me? Why was I so tired and cried all the time? Why was this so hard. Thank goodness I reached out for help. My mother helped take care of the babies so I could sleep and I went on mild anxiety meds. I came out of my fog.

Shortly after the birth of my twins, my company was sold out and I lost my job a few months later. I loved my job with the bank as a project manager. At first I was excited about being a stay at home mother. But as the days drone on, the unemployment ended I was bored. I adored my boys,didn't mind keeping 'house', taught Jazzercise and even Yoga. But funny thing was I wasn't happy. Why me? why does everything have to be so stinkin' hard!

Then in December of 2004, just when I thought things were going great; I had a new house, a great job, wonderful kids. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I never once said "Why me". Because I know now that 'sh*t happens' or can I say now 'fitz happens'?