Reaching out

I have always been someone who has felt the need to reach out to others. Whatever the need is I have a strong desire to help people. I love to share my life experiences with others. I find that speaking with someone who has 'been there done that' always helps.

When I divorced, I found that my biggest comfort was a friend who was going through a similar breakup. We would talk daily, cry and share together. It was a wonderful healing experience. Whenever I learn of anyone going through a divorce, I try to share my wisdom, what helped me and what I did to move forward.

When I had 2 miscarriages I did not keep it to myself. I shared with others. It was amazing how many women stepped forward to share with me their stories. I even emailed a Jazzercise instructor friend who lived across the country who had recently m/c. We must of emailed for several months. She was such a big comfort. We both ended up carrying a successful pregnancy to term. Now, when I learn of a friend who has had a miscarriage I jump right in. I don't say stupid stuff like "it was meant to be' or "You can have another". When going through a miscarriage that is not what we want to hear.

I am probably one of those crazy people that others hate. I approach people in public. After having twins and having a horrible time the first three-five months I now find it my compelling duty to approach anyone with infant twins. I ask them how they are sleeping and eating. I offer my unsolicited advice (some I found out have taken) about how to get the sleep more and letting them know it gets easier. After I approached one couple in Home Depot, I had one father look at me and thank me after I was done. On the flip side, I have had some people look at me like I was intruding on their personal space. That always surprises me and it shouldn't. When ever some kind hearted person approached me and said, "I have twins too" and offered be a glimmer of hope that I wouldn't be so tired in a few months, it would make my day.

Now life has brought me a new way to reach out. After I had cancer and lost all of my hair, I know "the look" of cancer patients. I now have this need to go up to people (mainly women) who are bald with hats or scarves and share my story with them. Ask them how they are doing. Strangely enough, the results have not been as positive. I don't know why. If someone would have come up to me and said, Hey I see you are wearing a scarf. Are you gong through treatment? I just finished...I would have been thrilled. But no. No one approached me. A man called me yanky doodle dandy (red -white-blue scarf) and the grocery store check out lady shared with me that her mom had cancer (and died, thanks!). But other than that, not a soul ever approached me.

What is really strange is that in the oncology office, people don't talk too much to each other. I was forever starting up a conversation. My best friend usually sat with me and we both would ask questions and find out the life history of the person sitting next to me getting their infusion.
It was a little different in the radiation oncology department. I sat with mostly men (prostrate)and they were really friendly. We saw each other every day for weeks.

So, I still have this need to reach out to others. I am a member of a few online support boards, but that is not enough for me. I thought about starting my own support network calling it "First contact". To help the newly diagnosed. I have actually had half a dozen phone calls with women who have been recently diagnosed. What to do? Well, I decided to volunteer with the American Cancer Society's Reach for Recovery program. Hopefully, I can help others. Funny, I remember them coming to see my mother, but no one ever contacted me. They are so short on volunteers. I wonder why? Today, as I mail my volunteer form, I am making fitzhappen.