It has been over a year and a half since I started on this journey. Friday I walked in the Local Relay for Life. I did it on my noon hour because my family has plans for the weekend. Last year I did the survivor lap with my boys and my mother.My little 4 year old boys held my hands as I did that walk. I was fighting back the tears the entire time.
Along comes this year's Relay for Life. Friday I walked an hour slot for a friend/survivor at work who had a booth and a team. As I started the walk my eyes began filling again with tears. There are signs along the walk with booths vowing to fight or wipe out cancer, the memorials and the 'in honor' of loved ones... and it brings all that emotion crashing back to me.
There are no visible signs of my cancer treatment this year. My hair is longer, the color is back in my face and I have eyebrows. Anyone meeting me on the street would not even know. Some days that is a huge comfort. I can be normal again. Other days, I want people to know what I have been through.
I wonder as a cancer survivor if I will ever get past the tears. But then again, maybe I don't want to? It keeps me grounded.
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Janis,
I have been reading your posts on breast cancer.org. I too, was diagnosed in Dec. 04 at the age of 41. I have 2 boys, 1 almost 6 and 1 14. I just finished herceptin in June and have my first 3 month checkup since I finished treatment. I too am torn between putting it in the past and letting people know what I have been through. Tears are a common occurrence lately. More than when I was going through treament. You are not alone in most of your feelings.
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