I am struggling right now with a moral decision. I am raising my husbands grand-nephew. His bio mother has no bond with him. Never did. I doubt it will change. The bad news is that she is pregnant again. She is hell bent on keeping it. The family is livid. We don't think she should.
Why shouldn't she have the right to keept his child? She hasn't taken responsibility for the first. She has no home. She has no income. She has nothing.
What should we do as a family? Practice tough love and do nothing? You see she has lied and stolen from the very ones who have supported her the past 5 years. We have nothing left to give.
What gets hard is when we think about the unborn child. We tried so hard to counsel her on adoption. To no avail. Do we help her for the sake of the baby? Or stand aside and watch?
I truly don't no what to do. That is hard for me. I would sleep better if she had a home and a job. Or if she would do the most unselfish thing and give the baby up for adoption. G*d help us.
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4 comments:
I think you have to stand aside and watch. Your arms can be ready to catch the baby who is an innocent.
You've caught Mom before, let her go.
You never know, sometimes people do change. Babies that sometimes start their lives in a dresser-drawer crib can end up with better lives.
That is hard Janis. All you can do is let her learn I guess. If she knows that people are always going to be there to pick up her pieces she won't learn to grow up. It may take a lot of hard lessons but it may do the trick, its just sad the baby will have to live that life as well.
Is it moral for me to allow my mother to become homeless? No. But I cannot get her to accept help if I keep rescuing her.
Yes the baby is at risk. But fortunately, there is a pretty solid child protection service in place to step in when things get really bad. A. will use you until there is nothing left, Janis. It wrenches my heart to say that, but I have finally learned that it's true. Some people just don't care. My mother is one of them. She'll do anything and say anything to get what she wants, when she wants it, including using my love for her. I don't know A. but it sounds like a familiar story. :-(
Oh J, Sarah is right - it's a vicious cycle, and thankfully, this time, there is a system to end it. You've put your heart and soul into raising E - he is a better child for it, but it has cost you all very dearly. I know it is nearly impossible to stand and do nothing, particularly with a child in the balance, but maybe that's what A needs to get the message. At most, an offer to help apply for assistance? The right answer will come, eventually, but I'm not sure what that will be.
XOX,S
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