Real Moments

Living in the MOMENT

I am a self-help book addict. It is true!! I must have read hundreds of self-help books over the course of my adult life from relationships, children and of course cancer.

Some were really good, some were okay, and some were horrible! I think the worst one I read was BABY WISE…two of the best ones I read was Healthy Sleep Habits, happy Baby, invaluable for twin mothers and How to Stop Worrying and start Living.

One that I read that I have been thinking a lot about is a book called Real Moments.

What are Real Moments?
I have spent a portion of my life not enjoying the real moments. Real moments are the now not the when. As some of the clichés go, stopping to smell the roses, enjoying people.

I had a horrible habit of looking forward to events thinking that if only I would get married, get a dog, get a house, get a different job that I would be happy. When I never stopped and enjoyed some the basic moments in life that actually made me happy. If I reflect back to the times that were filled with the most fun or joy they were basic events with family or friends. Moments of intense laughter, companionship and just plan old fun.

What stood in the way me not enjoying real moments? For one, my intensity to do several tasks at once. Can you believe that I can talk on the phone, empty the dishwasher and cook all at the same time? Crazy isn’t it? The drive to get everything accomplished. I am not a perfectionist, but I am a multitasker/overachiever. I will set about daily list and try to accomplish everything I can. My husband will plan one event for the weekend, and after he accomplishes it, he is “exhausted”. Heck, I could paint a bedroom, do laundry, make dinner, and clean the carpet in one weekend!

How has this changed? Well, for one having children. The blessing of having children is that every day is filled with so many real moments that it is breath taking. The second would be having one’s mortality smack you in the face and scream “Times up!”. I look at my kids now and think, “I don’t want to miss any of this”. If they ask me to lay down with them at night and we chat about anything, most of the time it is quite humorous, it is as real as it gets. The excitement when they learn something new like beating me in checkers, or invite me to see their latest creation is as real as it gets. Watching them play solders in the front yard after watching a civil war reenactment. I love every stinking minute of it. However, I think the only real moment I don’t enjoy is the fighting between the kiddos.

I don’t want to you think I am totally wrapped up in my children. I enjoy my friends and adult activities. I need those once in a while. That is what completes me as a good mother, wife, friend and manager.

Why are real moments so important to me? Well, I decided a while ago that time is something that we can never get back. There are no do overs in life. If for any reason my life is cut short I want my children to remember a mother who took the time to be with them. A mother who gave out plenty of hugs and kisses, made it to most of their school and athletic activities and a mother who they will remember as fun. I want them to remember me with happiness not restriction. I know that in 10, 20 or 30 years, they won’t care that the kitchen was never clean, that the floors were dirty or that I never fed them 5 course meals. I want them to remember a mother who love to spend time with her children, who played and laughed with them and who was there to share those real moments, because once they are gone, we can never get them back.

Next time someone in your life, whether it be your pet, spouse or child is sharing a real moment, think of what you might miss if you don’t stop to enjoy the moment.

I am now an American Cancer Society volunteer

I spent this morning at the American Cancer Society attending a seminar that said "I am glad that you asked". It was an informational session about ACS. It was enlightening. I didn't realize that the ACS was the 2nd largest contributor to Cancer research. I assumed it was KOMEN. I also learned that it focuses on the 4 major cancers that are 70% of the cases diagnosed. I didn't know that either. I learned about services, help lines, advocacy and their database.

Why did I go? Did I need to learn about cancer? nope. I decided I was going to reach out to other survivors. I have volunteered to service BC survivors in the ACS Reach for Recovery program. I am giving back. I begin that specific training in a few weeks. Sadly, the volunteer coordinator had 6 new names this week. She said they usually get 2-3 a week. I think about how many women don't call.

So, I am now a ACS volunteer. I believe in the organization. More then I ever did. I was impressed with their mission statement and their financials. I do think their CEO makes too much though.

May we eradicate cancer in my life time.

So how are you anyways?

There are many odd questions that one gets asked once they have been diagnosed with cancer. People at work, family and friends. I know they don't know what to say. What to ask. But the questions I receive are hard.

"So did they get it all?". I wish I knew. But the truth is they just don't know. Cancer cells can be so small they can go undetected. After all my treatments I could present with metastic disease at anytime.

"So how are you anyways?" Compared to what? My life before cancer or after? I am okay. I hurt everyday. My muscles are so out of wack it hurts when I wake and exercise. Then that leads to fear. Is that pain really muscle ache or cancer coming back? I am afraid I will have a recurrence. I am afraid I will die from this damn disease and it won't be an easy ride.

"What is your prognosis?" Can you believe someone asked me that? Maybe it doesn't seem personal to the non-cancer patient, but to me I felt very violated. You see, my prognosis is not great. It isn't totally bad, but the odds are not what I would like.

"You know we could all die at any time." Oh yes, that infamous bus that could strike me down at anytime. Screw that! Listen, until you get cancer or some other life altering illness you will ignore your own mortality. I know,I did. I don't anymore. Everything I do and say and feel I have thoughts of my mortality lingering in the back of my mind. I try not to let it control my life. But it is a struggle.

I am conflicted on remembering the past. Why? I have the opportunity to see an old apartment that I lived for a few years. Back in my post-college years. I was so young and innocent. I want to go, but I am afraid. Afraid of remembering my past. The innocence of life before cancer.

Well, for the most part when folks ask me "how am I" or "did they get it all"..I smile and say "so far so good" and "I hope so". That is all I can hope for and hope that fitz does not happen!