The end of an Era

The other day marked the end of an Era for me. My first internet chat board is shutting down. It is my Jazzercise board. Originally named www.physcial.com.

I found this board at a time in my life where I needed it most. I had just gone out on my own as a solo instructor. There were no other instructors in the immediate area for me to lean on. It was just me. I remember being so nervous the first time I posted. I remember that my typing and spelling mistakes were quickly pointed out to me. I also remember what internet 'short cuts' were. FYI, BTDT, TFS, LOL, and so many more!

The board provided me a sounding board to bounce ideas off of, special friendship, giving and receiving advice and new ideas. I truly feel that it contributed to my success as a Jazzercise instructor. I use to visit the site every day. I found wonderful support when I married, suffered miscarriages and then the birth of my babies. It was also fun to share the latest Jazzergossip or complain about the ups and downs of teaching Jazzercise. This internet chat board or "Chatters" as we were once called, started a new chapter in my life. Internet friendships.

When I was pregnant with my twins, I found a support board called "pregnant with multiples" where I met some of the best friends of my life. I have been friends with many of these ladies for over 6 years. We have shared good times and bad. They to were there with support, advice, and comfort in raising twins! I consider many of these ladies near and dear to me. Most people can't fathom having an 'online' community of friends. Many of them were there for me in one of my darkest hours showering me with support and friendship. I felt them rally around me as I fought the new enemy.

When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I went to the internet again and found another support group. Much different than the first two, yet the same. A common thread brought us together. Cancer. This time it was different. I was bold, had learned all the etiquette of internet chat and felt comfortable posting among strangers. They didn't stay strangers for long. I have met some really great ladies. I have lost friends too, that have died from Breast Cancer. It is strange to belong to a group where people come and go for various reasons, drop in because they are scared and don't know where to turn.

We hear a lot about support groups and how important they are for people. I think it is the social aspect. Because our communities are more spread out and we don't socialize on an intimate level with our neighbors, these groups have filled the void. Sometimes the friendships that we form feel safer than our real life friends. They can be less work and provide comfort.

Who would have thought 15 years ago I would have so many friends all of over the world because of the internet? Very cool.

Are we fooling ourselves?

I belong to a Breast Cancer support group. Online. It was a rock for me over the past two years. I can't leave it. I hang on to share with old friends I made over the years and to help the newly diagnosed.

With the good comes the sad. I have had friends that have died from this damn disease. I have watched friends go from 'early' diagnosis to Stage IV. Each one tears me up. We all post about the lastest studies, drugs or advances. We share stories of survivors who have been alive for years with active cancer or no reoccurance.

But what I have noticed is that it is the few. Many of us are advancing in our cancers. The chemo has done a great job, but it is moving to where we don't want it to go, our brains...our bone marrow...it sucks. It is robbing young women of life. It is robbing children of their mommies.

I am mad. Furious. I am scared.